Mindset & Your Perspective
We are thinking thoughts all day long, but how often do you stop to question if they are helpful or not? Or if they are even true? This article is going to give a simple overview of how our thoughts create our experience of life, through the lens of Cognitive Behavioural therapy.
“We don’t respond to what happens, we respond to our perception of what happens” - Gabor Maté
We might think that the world is the way it is, and that it’s the same for everyone, but is that true? In fact, every person has their own unique lens through which they see the world, others, and themselves, and therefore their unique perspective has a direct impact on their experience of life.
Two people can go through the same thing, but have completely different interpretations of it. This is because we each have a uniquely tinted lens that we see the world through, like a pair of coloured glasses, that influences what we see and what it means to us. These glasses are made of our core beliefs which filter how you see things.
Core beliefs are our most fundamental beliefs about ourselves, and the world, and often come from our childhood. They are learned, we aren’t born with them. Our core beliefs can feel like facts, even if they aren’t, especially if we’ve been living with that belief for years or decades. The good news is that even if they feel stubborn, deeply rooted, and true, they can be changed. Our brains are capable of rewiring, building new neuropathways and more helpful thought patterns and beliefs. We can change the lens of our glasses to see ourselves, others, and the world in a more empowering light.
Circumstance >> Thought >> Feeling >> Behaviour
The model of Cognitive Behavioural Therapy says that circumstances create automatic thoughts, which create feelings, which lead to our behaviours. The automatic thoughts that we have are coming from a core belief. Now remember, core beliefs often come from our childhood, or trauma, and can be things like, “I’m unlovable, I’m not good enough, I’m a loser”, or “I am worthy, I am loveable.” If we have one or more of these core beliefs within us, often that isn’t the conscious thought that we are having. Think of the core belief as what's underneath; it creates the filter/lens, and our thoughts are what’s on the surface, as a manifestation of the core belief.
That brings me to the term Cognitive Distortions. Cognitive distortions are unhelpful patterns of thinking that keep our core beliefs alive. The distortions are how your unique lens keeps filtering new information to confirm itself. There are many different styles of cognitive distortions, but I’ll just give examples of three, and a simple reframe for each.
Mind Reading: assuming that you know what others are thinking. For example, “My partner seems upset, they must be mad at me.” Reframe: “I don’t ever know what someone else’s internal experience is, but I can ask them questions to get an idea.”
All or nothing thinking: when you look at things as absolute, good or bad, don’t see any of the grey area. For example, “If I’m not successful at everything, then I’m a total failure”. Reframe: “Some things I’m great at, others I’m not, but I always do my best and that counts for a lot.”
Blaming: Blaming others for your problems, “The reason I failed the test is because the teacher sucks”. Reframe: “I didn’t resonate with my teacher’s style, and there were also things within my control, like how much I studied, and I can change that next time if I choose to”.
Notice how with each of these examples, the thoughts are a manifestation of a core belief of something like “I’m not good enough”, and if left unchallenged, they would continue to enforce that belief. In the mind reading example, believing your partner is mad might lead you to withdraw or get defensive, which could actually create the very conflict you feared. The reframe, on the other hand, might lead you to ask a simple question instead, and get an entirely different result. This is the CBT model in action: the thought doesn't just stay in your head, it shapes what action you take, which changes what happens next.
In the blaming example, if you believe it's your teacher's fault that you failed, that might lead you to disengage from the class entirely, skip studying for the next test because 'what's the point,' or complain about the teacher instead of adjusting your approach, which sets you up to fail again. The reframe, recognizing your own role and responsibility, might lead you to ask for help, change how you study, or seek out extra resources, which would give you a better shot at different results next time.
When you start to become aware of your unhelpful thinking patterns and automatic thoughts, you can start to catch them in the moment, or soon after, and challenge your own thinking. Examine the evidence, and ask yourself, is that actually true? What else could be true? What evidence do you have for the opposite belief? How else could I see this situation?
Reframing your thoughts is not the same as toxic positivity, or forcing yourself to think positively while ignoring the facts. What you’re doing is questioning whether the automatic thought is actually the only true interpretation, and if it’s helpful. In the example of failing the test, toxic positivity might look something like, “that’s okay, everything is going to work out for me.”. There’s no real accountability, responsibility, or power in that statement, and it doesn’t actually help you create positive change next time. Reframing doesn’t mean skipping the feeling, which might be disappointment of failing the test, but it just doesn’t stop there. It acknowledges the feelings, and helps you to shift your perspective for a more empowering future.
Repetition Matters.
Reframing your thoughts one time doesn’t change a core belief. The brain built that pathway over years, and building a new path takes repeated practice. Imagine your brain has all these thought patterns, called neuropathways. Some of them have been used for years or decades, you can imagine them like a highway. When you start to reframe your thoughts and challenge your core beliefs, you are forming a new neuropathway in your brain, and it can feel like offroading through the forest, instead of cruising on the highway; uncomfortable, awkward and definitely not as easy. But when you understand why you want to create the new pathway, and the results it will help you create, it can help you to stay encouraged and motivated to keep driving through the first, soon it will become a dirt road, and eventually, that new, empowering neuropathway will be the new highway, and that old unhelpful highway, the one you’re no longer driving? It will start to crumble away from lack of use and return to nature.
You can start to change the tint of your glasses, one reframed thought at a time.
Thanks for reading!
Orissa Steller
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Orissa Steller
As a life coach, counsellor, and yoga teacher, Orissa offers an inviting space to explore the patterns and beliefs that keep us stuck. Her approach is integrative, blending relational, somatic, and cognitive methods to nurture the mind, body, and nervous system. Orissa believes deeply that we don't need to be fixed, that we are all capable of profound transformation and deserve to feel truly good in our lives. Whether you are navigating mental, emotional, or physical well-being, Orissa helps you unpack what’s holding you back.
In her blog, she writes about mindset, nervous system regulation, and holistic wellness.
Thanks for reading!
